2020 Democratic Candidates as 90s Bands

Do you know what day it is? Well, if you live in Tennessee or approximately 12 other states that vote today, it’s Super Tuesday! If you’ve been keeping up with the news, you’re surely aware that the democratic candidate pool has narrowed quite a bit in the last 48 hours. If you’re left wondering who to vote for, we’re about to break down each candidate for you in a way that will probably (not) help. Below, we present to you: 2020 Democratic Candidates as 90s Bands.

Bernie Sanders: Nirvana

Nirvana was legendary: an independent grunge band that formed in the late 80s somehow made it to the mainstream and made grunge the number one genre of the 90s. Like Nirvana, Sanders was also an independent turned sensation, and he’s managed to bring more young people into politics than any other candidate.

Elizabeth Warren: Hole

As a complement to Sanders’ Nirvana, Elizabeth Warren is Hole: equally as talented and qualified as Sanders, Warren took the genre and made it her own. Hole, is, of course, Courtney Love’s band — and Love isn’t exactly the most adored woman in music. Like Warren, many of the reasons people have for disliking her mostly boil down to good ole’ misogyny. If either woman is as angry as people seem to think, they definitely have the right to be.

Joe Biden: Oasis

“Wonderwall.” It was a great song, and it was one of many of Oasis’ hits. That said, there’s a reason when the hipster with a guitar breaks out into “Wonderwall” at a party, everyone cringes. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Biden. I like Oasis, too. But they said it themselves: “please don’t put your life in the hands of a rock ’n’ roll band who’ll throw it all away.” We can do better, America.

Mike Bloomberg: Vanilla Ice

While not technically a band, there’s really no difference between Bloomberg and Vanilla Ice. Both are old white dudes desperately trying to stay relevant. Bloomberg, like Vanilla Ice, is completely unappealing to anyone who isn’t white. And, let’s face it — even people who like Vanilla Ice call it a “guilty pleasure.”

If you live in Nashville Davidson County and need to find your polling place, click here. Don’t forget to bring your photo ID, and keep in mind REAL ID is not required at the Davidson County polls. Happy voting everyone!

EDIT (Tues. March 3, 8:33a.m.): Due to the tornado, polls in Davidson County will be opening an hour late. This article in The Tennesseean details where you can go if you cannot access your polling place.

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